andyt
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08:03:19 pm on March 12, 2010 |
You might not think it from looking at the drivel I post on Twitter, but I have standards. I also have rules. In fact, I have three rules: (1) Don’t tweet if you haven’t actually got anything to say; (2) Try and make your tweets halfway amusing when you have got something to say; and (3) Never be in such a hurry to tweet that you misuse “to” and “too” or “your” and “you’re”.
Given that I’m my own harshest critic, I try my very best to observe my own rules.
But something’s gone terribly wrong. I’ve just read through my Twitter timeline from the past five days and realised that, with the exception of one or two half decent tweets, I’ve been the most supremely boring Tweeter this week. It’s a timeline that could bring a sponsored smile to an abrupt halt, leading to the devastating closure of a small well-building charity in Africa. And it’s definitely been a week of instantly forgettable, 140-character toss that’s unlikely to trigger an avalanche of #followfriday mentions.
I’m not going to lie: I like getting #followfriday nods. Who doesn’t? It’s the ultimate endorsement from your Twitter peers that your phenomenally witty/bed-wettingly funny and/or interesting and erudite tweets are simply not to be missed. It’s sort of like a guest being welcomed into a party of strangers and being told by the host: “I must introduce you to Andy – he’s hilarious!” Of course, the alternative is for the host to whisper in the guest’s ear: “Try not to get stuck in a corner with Andy. I swear to god, you’ll start self-harming.”
So when the virtual tumbleweed danced across the #followfriday landscape today – following a week when several #ff’s had been gratefully received – it was difficult not to feel like I’d suffered a catastrophic loss of form.
Originally, before reviewing my timeline, I thought I’d had a decent week on Twitter. In my analogical mind, I thought I’d run a fairly respectable marathon. However, the nod-less #followfriday suggested that all I did, analogically speaking, was fail hard, do a humiliating poo at the roadside, start crying…and ultimately fail to cross the finish line.
So what’s my Grrrrrr? Well, I’m annoyed with myself for being rubbish, and for drying up, and for not having anything remotely interesting to say, and for being bereft of inspiration. I’ve finally run out of things to say on Twitter! And I’m pissed off that I’m now racked with self-doubt (because I tend to worry about these sorts of things).
Anyway, ignore me. I’m just having a massive moment.
I’m off to see if I left my mojo in the men’s toilets.
Grrrometer: I’m not angry; I’m just disappointed.
UPDATE: I did actually receive an eleventh hour #followfriday from someone I don’t actually follow. I suppose I should be grateful for any and all #ff’s, but I couldn’t help but notice that I was grouped with a Chartered Management Accountant; a learning and development specialist; and Alan – “doing his best for local businesses”. That sort of confirms that if I left my mojo in the men’s toilets at all, I probably accidentally flushed it away too.
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Karen Strunks 5:22 pm on March 13, 2010 | # |
I’m disappointed in you too Andy. I expect much better. Please try harder
andytoots 3:57 am on March 14, 2010 | # |
Sorry! If I ever find my mojo again, I promise to do better in future.
mrskarmadillo 5:30 pm on March 13, 2010 | # |
Hey, you don’t need to ‘perform’!
You should worry. I’ve tweeted about nothing all day, other than vomit & laundry. I tell a lie – Karen has introduced a cock-shaped cake in my timeline. I am now restraining myself…!
andytoots 4:02 am on March 14, 2010 | # |
When my Twitter hiatus is over (if indeed it ever ends), I’m going to keep an emergency cock-shaped cake on standby in case I ever dry up again.