What/Who: My dentist
Where/When: The waiting room
Event: My appointment was at 12:20 and there was a queue when I arrived so I expected a bit of a delay. As the queue started to thin I realised I was the last appointment before lunch as no one entered the waiting room after me. As the dental surgery shut at 13:00 why was I called in so early and made to wait for 1 hour when 12:50 would have been better? When one is late the dentist charges. I had no apology for the long wait and my bum was in the chair for just 2 minutes and mouth open for less than 30 seconds – I should charge for my wasted time.
Grrrometer: 3 +1 for the fact he titles himself as Dr.
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flyingsnail
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mrskarmadillo
What/Who: My hubby, Gordon Ramsay & a 6kg turkey :-/
Where/When: Our kitchen on Christmas Eve
Event: Hubby has been under the weather recently and watching way too much food & cookery tv. He decided that Gordon Ramsay’s turkey basting method was fab and would make yummy tender turkey for Christmas dinner. He is unable to do this himself. Hmph.
Please bear in mind, I am an ex-vegetarian who still hates eating flesh but is weak …..! I passionately hate preparing raw meat and struggle with a turkey anyway , especially digging for the giblets & neck *gulp*.
But no! I had to force the cold, rubbery skin from the turkey’s dead flesh with my bare hands (ok not quite, thank god for latex gloves!) and rub butter and fresh herbs between the skin and the meat. Argh!
It *was* the best turkey I’ve ever tasted, though so i’ve got over it now …!
Grrrometer: 3 repulsive. But nomnomnom!!
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mrskarmadillo
What/Who: A teacher at our kidlets’ school. Couldn’t name them, none have as yet confessed….
Where/When: Outside kidlets’ school at hometime today
Event: At the Year 5 & 6 Christmas disco, some bright spark thought it was a fab idea to give them all a party blower each….
Have you ever been in the middle of a 120-strong throng of 9 to 11 year olds with party blowers?!? Bear in mind, the audioboo was recorded *after* the main body of them had moved away!
Grrrometer: 3 – couldn’t decide whether I felt grrrful or mirthful!
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andytoots
Who: Old people at the self-service tills in Tesco
When: This afternoon
Event: It’s busy enough in our local Tesco in the run-up to Christmas, so the last thing our busy Tesco needs during the Yuletide season is old people holding up the self-service tills with their pitiful grasp of simple technology. I saw a slightly bewildered-looking elderly couple today who were having every item in their large shopping trolley scanned and bagged by a cashier. Now, that’s not really serving yourself, is it? Could they not have just have gone through the normal tills, where, traditionally, the cashier is supposed to offer that kind of hands-on service?
I think the self-service tills should have certain barriers to entry, like height restrictions on fairground rides. If anyone over the age of 60 can pick up a Sky Plus remote and series-link ‘Heartbeat’, and then send a legible text message to their grandchildren (in under 20 seconds), only then should they be allowed to use the self-service tills. Anyone who fails those tests should return to the junior tills, where full assistance will be given.
Grrrometer: 2 (well, it is Christmas!)
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theaardvark
Who/What: Drunks
When: Christmas Parties
Event: Even in a fog of a drunken stupor, caused by getting wasted before you even left the house (cus you’re too cheap to buy drinks from the Hotel), it can’t be that difficult to work out that if you cannot stand unaided, you shouldn’t be attempting to dance. After you’ve collided with the 4th or 5th person even the last vestiges of doubt should have been removed. But noooooo…… You’re determined to have your moment of uncoordinated, cringe-inducing, embarrassment laden attention. Fine. But when you stumble into the expensive kit of the hard working DJ please could you a) apologise; and b) f**k right off over the other side of the dance floor / room / county. And if you do it again I reserve the right to stick that party blower hanging out of your mouth somewhere it’ll only make noise when you pass wind. Kthxbai.
Grrrometer: 5 – You get it wrong and injure yourself / someone else it could be the end of my DJ career.
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Ben W
Who/What: someone in the office whistling Bruce Springsteen’s “Dancing in the Dark”
When: In the office this afternoon.
Event: Getting an earworm at work. Someone in the corridor at the photocopier was whistling Dancing in the Dark. Remember: You can’t start a fire, you can’t start a fire without a spark, this gun’s for hire, even if we’re just dancing in the dark.
Grrrometer: In the grand scheme of things, it’s not a huge problem. Maybe a 2 or a 3. I need to purge the music from my ears though, otherwise I’ll be singing it to myself later.
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flyingsnail
Who/What: A stuck-up (self-proclaimed) lecturer
When: an email exchange @ work yesterday
Event: (tail end to a long email exchange)
Lecturer:
Dear Michael,
Thank you for your last email. Could you please explain what you
mean by:> @[Lecturer] can you help with chairs and tables on the 2nd?
Me:
I am busy in meetings all morning until 13:30 at the earliest, so will
not have time to layout the chairs and tables as well as get the AV
set-up. So someone will need to help out otherwise everyone is sitting
on the floor cross-legged like in primary school
. Of course if it
is already laid out then fine.Lecturer:
Forgive Michael, but as a lecturer I feel responsible for teaching and not for laying out the chairs. Surely there must be someone who is able to ensure that the room is open and ready for a 2pm class. If this is not your responsibility then please give me a mobile number for a colleague who will be able to prepare the room. ‘Sitting on the floor cross-legged’ is a careless joke. [the visiting lecturer] is disabled.
Grrr! I know the visiting lecturer very well, know all about the disability, and I’m sure the person would find the comment funny to have the audience sitting on the floor. Clearly the stuck-up lecturer was trying to make me feel guilty and do what she was not prepared to do, instead she pi**ed me off so much I never responded or helped out as I was purely doing it as a favour for the visiting lecturer. Luckily someone else was going to help-out anyway. I later found out I was more senior to her!
Grrrometer: 5 tips on how to make friends and influence people.
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flyingsnail
Who/what: The man on the train
When: The journey home tonight
Event: He was eating fish and chips on the train home! How did he survive the hungry hoards of commuters? He filled the whole carriage with the sweet yummy smell of fish, chips, vinegar and ketchup – grrr! I was hungry when I got on, I was ravenous when I got off!
Grrrometer: 1 portion of chips please.
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andytoots
What: Average speed checks and traffic cones
When: Yesterday
Event: The total population of the World is 6,798,427,270. Remarkably, there are more traffic cones on the M6 than there are people on earth. How do I know this? Because yesterday my girlfriend and I headed north to visit my family, which took us through eight (yes, eight) sections of motorway – on the M40, M42 and M6 - that had 50mph average speed checks in operation. There didn’t appear to be any road maintenance going on (i.e. an overweight foreman reading the Daily Star in a portaloo, while his colleague sits in a stationary white van eating a bacon sandwich); there was just miles and miles and miles…and MILES of traffic cones lined up along the hard shoulder. So why the speed restrictions? Somebody tell me!!
After going through so many average speed checks (which is actually quite exhausting), I was absolutely furious to enter another one shortly before we hit Spaghetti Junction on the M6. Furthermore, it was at this point that I saw a workman dropping even more traffic cones onto the motorway from the back of a Flatbed lorry, like a minelaying vessel run by a crew of cu*ts wearing hard hats and fluorescent tabards.
The D-Fens in me wanted to pull the car over and ask the workmen why they were coning off yet more motorway. But I doubt they would’ve known the answer to that question anyway. Morons.
Grrrometer: 5 (but probably more around the 9 mark)
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theaardvark
Who/What Eye Twitching
Where: Any- and everywhere. But right now, in the office.Event: Everytime I strat to get tired if I’ve not slept properly one or other of my eyes starts twitching. I’ve checked in a mirror and, whilst it is noticable, the movement is tiny. However, it feels like my eyelid is having some kind of fit.
I’m convinced that women, and men, around me think I’m winking and learing at them suggestively. Or maybe that I’m one of those nutters form the films that’s just one mistimed practical joke from a complete, violent nervous breakdown.
And the only decent cure is lots of restful sleep. So I’m stuck with it until at least the weekend, possibly longer.
Grrrometer: 3/5
